Today whilst sitting in North Parramatta McDonald's I noticed two well dressed elderly gentlemen sitting across from my table. When I first glanced over I instantly thought one of them had an uncanny resemblance to my favorite English poet W.H Auden. Oh how I love W.H Auden, I can recite his poem's and I have vowed if my next born is a boy then he will be named Lawson Auden, Lawson after Henry and Auden after W.H. I then spend the rest of my lunch staring like a school girl at the ghost of W.H Auden chowing down on a Big Mac. I guessed W.H Auden would have been horrified at the thought of himself sitting in a western suburbs fast food outlet since he was a well refined gay English gentlemen who lectured at Oxford. Still he may have seen the funny side of it. He would have also perhaps seen the funny side of the fact I was ultimately kicked out of my 3u English class in the final term of year 12 leading up to the all mighty unforgiving Higher School Certificate on account of his poetry. I found the class I was put in rather annoying as it consisted of six girls, who were all stupid, though apparently we were the top class and they had not a notion of what Auden was portraying in his wonderfully written poetry. They would sit attentively hanging on every word our English master had to say, mainly because he would interpret for them the meaning and linguistic challenges which we all knew they had no chance of deciphering. So after putting up for the last time with them flicking through their dictionaries to find the meaning of words in the poetry I could stand it no more when the best possible word sprang from the page. The poem was "Moon Landing" the line, "It's natural the Boys should whoop it up for so huge a phallic triumph." I sat back as they madly started to look up the word phallic. I waited for a murmur, but it didn't come, I looked as I saw blank expression after blank expression and not being able to take it a moment longer I said to them all "Its a huge cock, ladies" With that I was escorted from the class by the English master and told my comments would no longer be required as was my presence in the class and I would have to study the reminder of the course on my own, which is exactly what I did. At the completion of the year I went to hand in my text books to the old English master when he surprised me by asking me what I was planning on doing with my life. I told him I wanted to write a book. He sneered at me. There was awkward silence. I then said to him, "Yes and I'm going to dedicate it to you." He seemed pleased. I then said "Oh yes and I am also going to dedicate it to the other ladies in my class who probably still don't know what a phallic symbol is but they sure do know how to suck on one." With that he turned on his heel and fled to the staff room.
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