Oh Dear Dr. Edelsten Oh Dear!

Firstly I know, I know I have not blogged in a while - but I have a sick note if you want it. Still nothing is more sick than a 66 year old man getting hitched to a 26 year old woman. Having said that I just love a gold digger and ain't she something - oh and riddle me this, why is it that men who marry these woman always tend to dye their hair a very peculiar shade of dark. Frankly Geoff it is obvious that you are not the colour you once were, but then again I don't think your baby bride was born a platinum blond either so you at least have hair care in common. Strangely I always felt Dr. Edelsten had always bitten off more than he could chew, lets face it, his idea of building million dollar medical centres throughout the western suburbs of Sydney during the 80's was doomed to failure, opulence in the face of adversity - now there's a winner.

I can remember as a child being taken to one of these lavish looking medical centres with its smokey gold mirrored glass lined walls, pink Cadillac parked in reception and a baby grand piano for sick patients to tinkle the ivories on whilst they waited for service. I was running a fever when I was taken and I truly thought I had died and ended up in Za Za Gabors lounge room. The sad fact was all this over the top looking crap did little to help the poor old Doctor when he felt the need to have his "problems" sorted out by none other than "Christopher Dale Flannery" or Mr. Rentakill or as I like to refer to him as "Mr. Rentadill" and for that he was struck off the medical register in both NSW and VIC forever. Strangely he has managed to come up with 3 mil for a wedding - well, well, well - my drawn on eyebrows are ever pointed skyward at this conundrum - we haven't heard from him in what 25 years, he doesn't practice medicine anymore and has no visible means of income. Hmmmm Interesting.

One From The Vault

Thanks to Peter this afternoon I will now have this song rolling around in my head for days. Maybe even months. Still it's an oldie but a goodie - so get blacked up and get those tap shoes ready - mind you do the black up part in private or you will get into more trouble than starting a war in a country that can't possibly beat you - k. "Remember it's only a laugh no harm done"

3am - Eternal

Oh yes those crazy dreams keep a comin - Last night I found myself in charge of a rather large factory cafeteria. The fact that I have never worked in either a factory nor a cafeteria seemed to matter little to my over dreaming brain. Strangely as with the recent dreaming patterns it made no sense what so ever but what made me laugh at the usual 3am when I woke up was the fact I remembered that I was being instructed to try and work out prices for the meals as the cafeteria was a "subsidised" cafeteria for the staff. Meaning they get the food cheap. My main concern during the dream was serving the potato mash via an ice cream scoop which I always think is rather 1970 local RSL but simply screams "cheap". I don't know how my debut into the world of catering actually went but suffice to say I hope I don't find myself in that position in the future. I mean what would I do the dilemma would always be "should I use real potato or fake Deb/Potato whip" - God the choices the choices.

Oh and if you do find yourself awake at 3am - please remember to sing this song - I certainly do.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LXEOESuiYcA

LA - Concert Reviews + Blade Runner - Still to come.....

Look at the above happy face - yes Coyote in LA = happy. Coyote with 60kg of luggage due to shopping extravaganza = even happier. Coyote business class all the way complete with diva tantrums at Qantas check in staff = unhappy. Coyote meeting and having luncheon with Sally Savalas the late Telly's wife as a result of extra day's stay in LA due to diva tantrum at Qantas check in staff = another chapter in my book.

So I will review the last two concert's, my unabashed love of all things Blade Runner plus my confusion regarding the Getty Museum soon. Oh the fun of it all.

Strange Days Indeed - Most Perculiar Mumma

For the past few weeks I have been inundated with strange dreams. No surprise given the rush of hormones I am experiencing - what with my final transformation into realising my dream of being a man - oh no that's right it's my "I am a 35 year old female hormonal beard" I have always wanted. But I digress, the state of my dreaming has verged on an LSD trip infused with a few tokes of a serious crack pipe. Take for instance last night's dream - here I was back at the Petersham Roller Rink walking up the stairs to the skate hire section - which I would never have done since I owned my own skates. Still I was walking up the stairs when a black panther - the cat - not the black political group - latched onto my left arm and started to chow down. It didn't seem to hurt that much and I thought it might be wise to try not to make a giant fuss of this rather large animal now hanging from my arm. So up the stairs I go - Black Panther in toe. Then a man standing at the top of the stair case informs me that I have a Black Panther attached to my arm. In stellar comedic form I say to him "No shit Sherlock" and stand still for a bit then the guy tells me that if I make any sudden movements I will lose my arm as the Panther will rip it off so my smart arse response back is "Well thank fuck its my left arm and I don't need it as much as my right" At that point I start to laugh my head off - waking me up to my own laughter - lol I might add at 4am in the morning.

Strangely this is not the first time I have laughed myself awake from dreaming. On one such occasion I had a laughing fit that lasted for about two days after dreaming of a Koala bear which had attached itself to my arse. Frankly it still makes me laugh to even remember that dream - but my boss at that time never found the amusing side of me having to excuse myself from meetings with tears of laughter and the lame excuse that I was laughing at a very funny dream I'd had. Poor pet I guess he just had to be there.

This Is It

Today I went and saw the Michael Jackson film "This Is It". I thought it showed exactly how brilliant he really was. "Talented" is not a big enough word for the type of performer he was. No doubt other two bit "performers" should take note of the fact he was always able to sing and dance and to be honest frankly even in track suit pants and a mismatched shirt he still danced better than the professionals standing behind him who appeared to be practically dancing for their dear lives whilst he simply "ran through the moves" in order to rehearse and still managed to out dance the lot of them. So to any critic who found it easy to be nasty in regards to his personal life I doubt any of them could possibly disagree that he was the consummate professional and was completely capable of presenting the best concert experience I for one have ever seen and no doubt will ever see again.

The Carnival Is Over - Or At Least This Year's Festival Is

On Saturday I gave my annual lecture on early Sydney Crime at the Under The Blue Moon Festival. I have to say I always think nobody is going to show up to hear me but I was pleasantly surprised with yet another full house. The day was all sunshine and happy which is of course every Goth's nightmare. I thought with the pleasant weather for the first year in a while the kids may opt for walking the mile and ignoring indoor pursuits but I should have known better. Inside is always better than outside when you are teetering around in a corset, high heels and more make up than Liza Minnelli at Derby Day.

So it was that I presented my 45 minutes+ to what appeared to be a rather appreciative audience. I did laugh to myself when I was given the 5 minute wrap up signal to get off and I realized I had a bit more on my topic to complete. Hence forth I then went into a crack induced coma and spoke at 5 billion miles an hour in order to finish and I have no doubt the audience was thinking I was off my rocker - I certainly felt it at the time trying to get my story finished. Still there is nothing like a Benny Hill ending in fast pace to make you laugh to yourself later on - oh and laugh I did. As always the staff at Simplicity and the festival organisers were professional and kind and I find it a privilege to be offered the opportunity to speak at what is now shaping up to be a very large and well attended festival.

Special thanks to my two nerd boys Marky and Chris for my slide show and music - without them I am nothing. Though they do tend to look after their "talent" quite well including diva tantrums and not listening to technical instructions.

So all in all a fantastic day and a lovely evening of watching "choobs" march herself up to the neighbours place in a pink tinsel wig complete with plastic black cape and pumpkin headband to be presented with trick or treat Halloween lollies that I had dropped off earlier for her arrival. Unfortunately no children came knocking for trick or treat which was a pity for them because I was forced to eat about 100 or so lolly snakes as a result later in the evening. Yum.