Howard Jones Live At The Canterbury Hurlstone Park RSL

Last night I slipped through a vortex and ending up back in 1986. Although somewhere whilst falling through the vortex I also ended up at the Canterbury Hurlstone Park RSL. I love Howard Jones and I'm not afraid to declare it. Last night the audience was treated to a small acoustic set then followed by a full electronic extravaganza. It was great hearing all the tunes I so love in their electronic form, and I will enjoy it all over again next Friday night when I slip into another vortex and end up this time at the Honrsby RSL. So enough of the boring, "it was really good" review of Howard and onto the much more hilarious audience members and venue choice.

For a start this is not the first time I have seen Howard Jones at the Canterbury Hurlstone Park RSL, which is scary enough. I try not to think about the fact that a lesser known one hit wonder such as Gary Numan - who has been wrongly given the accolade of "The Godfather of Electro" is also touring in Australia for the first time since the 80's and gets to play the Enmore, when Howard who has been here a few times in the past 20 years has to contend with much smaller audiences at less than glamorous venues. Still I am starting to think he enjoys a smaller audience and has passed up the 100,000 strong chanting Live Aid audience for the comfort of 200-300 adoring fans at the local RSL. Funnily enough the audience were not groovy ex 80's fans all decked out in their finest but more like a bunch of mates out for a night out with dinner and a show.

The ladies who sat behind my brother and I, at seated tables of course, thought it would be a good idea to trade recipe's and gardening tips whilst the acoustic set was on. Yes the gentle hum of Cheryl and her girlfriends squealing and ordering more "Breezers" was enough to make me want to self harm. Mind you the magician who warmed the audience up before the show had already made me leave gaping razored gash marks to the majority of my arms and upper torso so I was already sitting in a pool of my own blood and was unable to find anywhere else to cause mischief lest I stick a cocktail onion in my eye perhaps. Thankfully once the electronic part of the night started it drowned out the sound of middle class conversations going on around us and the girls behind us who were obviously on a big night out on the cans got up and scooted to the stage front to gyrate in an "I'm over 45 and can't dance" year old fashion. One of them was wearing her hair in a banana clip - shall I continue????

Another woman who was jumping up at pivotal songs to dance at the front of the stage would turn around half way through the song and try and dance seductively for her man which also ensured we got to watch her show as well. Again someone needs to apply a topical treatment for these women and tell them to take a load off their hush puppies and never ever dance sexy in front of strangers again. Still the one thing which did impress me now that I am also a middle aged fuck was the fact that not once did I see anyone texting throughout the show. The last youngin's concert I went to being Franz Ferdinand I was appalled at how many kids stood texting through the entire show. I mean next time kids just pre program; "mum meet me out front at 10 k" cause you really need to concentrate on one thing at a time to enable your transformation into celebrity and that is how to perform like one so pay attention next time kids.

So I guess at the end of the day I was appalled that perhaps I am just as banal and boring as the next middle class 80's tragic but I sure as fuck have never worn a banana clip or sipped through the gentle lip of a breezer and i never ever will.